


Here A Si Pat

by Mass_Effecting_Your_Pants



Category: Jade Empire
Genre: Fourth Wall, Gen, Humor, Parody, Video Game Mechanics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-07
Updated: 2013-03-07
Packaged: 2017-12-04 13:50:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/711448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mass_Effecting_Your_Pants/pseuds/Mass_Effecting_Your_Pants
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jen Zi notices something strange about Two Rivers' residents - poking a bit of fun at the numerous lookalike NPCs and recognisable voice actors in video games...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Here A Si Pat

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on fanfiction.net under the following:-
> 
> Title: Here a Si Pat, There a Si Pat, Everywhere a Si Pat  
> Category: Games » Jade Empire  
> Author: Malak's Mistress  
> Language: English, Rating: Rated: T  
> Genre: Humor/Parody  
> Published: 10-30-07, Updated: 10-30-07  
> Chapters: 1, Words: 1,740

There was something weird about Two Rivers.

Jen Zi had never mentioned her strange suspicions to anyone, not even her closest friend Dawn Star, but lately everything had been getting too odd to ignore. For starters, it was beginning to seem like almost everyone at the school was related.

Jen Zi could have sworn she passed Student Si Pat guarding the school gate when she left to visit Dawn Star…and then his _spitting image_ walked passed her coming from the opposite direction not a moment later.

She put it down to an overactive imagination and training too much…until she passed another carbon copy in the village. That's when Jen Zi started to pay much closer attention to the people in Two Rivers.

First she tried talking to the people, but they were extremely tight-lipped.

"My name doesn't matter, but I need help with blah blah" or "Oh, I'm just a farmer/villager/townsperson/merchant/student" were almost the only answers she received.

It was weird and a little unsettling.

Jen Zi tried talking to Student Lin; she was rather forthcoming with gossip, but apparently only about Gao the Lesser, Dawn Star and Jen Zi herself. Hardly helpful.

She broached the subject of everyone looking the same with Dawn Star, but her friend only looked at her strangely before giggling. "You're so funny sometimes! Two Rivers is a small village; of course there are many people with relations here. I think you've been training too hard to be considering such odd things!"

"I'm not kidding, Dawn Star! Everyone here even dresses the same!"

Her friend merely shook her head with a smile but Jen Zi was deathly serious.

Soon there were only a select few who didn't have mirror images walking around the town and – she was loathe to admit it but – these people seemed to be important: Master Li her teacher, Smiling Mountain the trainer, Gao the Lesser her apparent archrival, Kia Min with the knobbly hair, Dawn Star her friend, Fen Do the smarmy merchant, Old Ming the beachcomber, Gujin the Weaponmaster.

The rest of Two Rivers had numerous doppelgangers hanging around. Jen Zi was uneasy. She knew the students at school were taught to be observant – it was a survival skill – so why hadn't anyone else noticed?

She began to put it out of her mind with Dawn Star's urging; her friend was getting worried about her. Other than almost driving her crazy, it wasn't affecting Jen Zi so she agreed to not speak of it any more.

But then she began to notice that no one called her by her name. It was always Student, Senior Student, Master Li's top student, her over there, the one in the red and blue…never Jen Zi. Even Dawn Star didn't call her by her name, instead calling her 'friend'.

Out of sheer desperation, Jen Zi approached Gao.

"Gao, I was hoping to talk to you for a moment?"

Gao sneered. "Well looky here, if it isn't the old man's lapdog. Shouldn't you go speak with your Master and _brave_ the Spirit Cave?"

"Stuff your insults. I really need to talk to you about something."

"Oh, the _shining protégé_ needs to talk with-"

"Farking hell, Gao! It's not a wonder why you don't have any friends here. Gah, that's not the point! Look, you don't trust or like anyone here right? Right, so you have no reason to-"

"How presumptuous of you, but I wouldn't expect anything less from our _senior student_. You think I pursue Dawn Star for fun?"

"…Dawn Star? Oh, well, I didn't know, ah, all the best with that. You should try giving her orchids, she loves the purple ones. But anyway-"

" _You_ giving _me_ advice? You think I don't know how to-"

"Look, Gao. I just want to ask you like two questions and you are being super farking difficult. Give Dawn Star orchids, roses, lilies, weeds, I don't care. Just hear me out, give me a decent answer and then you can insult me all you want. Hell, I'll even lose to you in a fight in front of everyone if that satisfies you."

"Ha, as if I need your help to beat your sorry ass!"

"All I'm saying is I'd make it much, much _easier_ for you…you know?"

"…What the hell is it that you want?"

Sigh. "I was just wondering if you had noticed that everyone in Two Rivers seems to look the same."

"…"

"…"

"What in the hell kind of question is that? You're wasting my time!"

"Gao, I'm seriously serious! You are one of the top students here! You have to have noticed! There's like a dozen Si Pats and I reckon I've seen about _twenty_ villagers who look _exactly_ the same. Same face, clothes, _everything_!"

Gao suddenly seemed nervous to Jen Zi. Maybe she had struck gold with questioning Gao, as difficult and longwinded as it had become. His eyes darted around them to see if anyone was listening to their conversation, Jen Zi following his gaze. They were alone outside the school gate. His eyes snapped back to face her again and Gao seemed far from the arrogant bastard he usually was.

"Look, you shouldn't notice that kind of stuff!" he whispered urgently.

"Huh? How can I not? So- so you've noticed too? I know it sounds weird but also, no one ever says my name."

"Ah, this is worse than I thought," Gao rubbed his hand over his face. "You aren't supposed to notice these things at all."

"What do you mean? Hey, now that I'm thinking about all these odd things…like in fights when I think of the number one I fall into the Leaping Tiger stance and when I think of the number two it makes me use Heavenly Wave. Do you think that's weird or is it just from training?"

"Um, uh…this is bad…"

"And then, when I think of the number three, I'm suddenly using my sword…hey, now that I _really_ think about it…I don't even _carry_ the sword…where the _hell_ does it come from?"

"…Gah, what the hell was the emergency signal again? This never happened with Wu or Ling…and Ling was a _scholar_!"

"Hey, Gao, you know what else is weird? That confrontation between that Assassin guy and Master Li. He was all like 'I was expecting an army blah blah your strategy as always impeccable' or something and then Master Li's like 'I'm gonna kick your ass so no one knows you found me'. I mean, what was up with that…heeey, I just noticed something else!"

"…"

"Have you ever noticed that the Emperor's brother was named Sun _Li_ the Glorious _Strategist_ and that that Assassin guy commented on Master _Li's strategy_ … …Ooooh, you don't think…nah, _that_ would be _way_ too odd."

"Yes, _waaaay_ to odd…"

"Sometime I get déjà vu as well Gao, it's really unsettling. Like after that beach bandit attack, I felt like I had done that fight more than once…except…"

"…Except..?"

"…Except lost. Strange huh?"

"You _lost_ that fight? Heh, come on! It's one of the _easiest_ …uh, yeah, I know the feeling. I, um, get déjà vu sometimes too. It's no big deal."

"You know what? You're voice seems kind of familiar…like I've heard it before but not from you…"

"Okay, that's it. I reckon you should talk to Master Li about your…observations. He'll know what to do, uh, make of them."

"…Firefly-"

"Yes, definitely! I reckon you're right! There will definitely be fireflies around this spring-"

"No, Serenity-"

"Haha, Two Rivers is the, uh, place to seek out serenity. I agree whole-heartedly!"

"Mal-"

"Alright, I'm taking things in to my own hands. You know, you're too observant for your own good, Jen Zi. I fear we're going to have trouble with you throughout the whole story. I'll have to let Zu know we've fallen behind a little so he can help pick up the slack."

"..What in the hell are you talking about?"

"Doesn't matter. I'll let Li sort this mess out."

_WHACK!_

Jen Zi opened her eyes, her head aching. Once her vision focused, she realised she was spreadeagle on Master Li's floor. Master Li himself stared down at her with concern.

"You took quite the tumble. Are you feeling well enough to fight off the attacking bandits? Maybe I have been pushing your training too hard."

Jen Zi climbed to her feet quickly, rubbing her sore head with a little confusion. She couldn't quite recall what she had been doing all day. She remembered the bandits though.

"Yeah, no I'm fine, Master. I need to grab Dawn Star and head to Gujin right?"

"Exactly, my student. I'll see to Kia Min."

Jen Zi bowed and left Master Li's quarters, her head swimming a little. She felt like she had forgotten to do something, like she had packed her bag and forgotten the important things like food, weapons and clothes. She shook her head forcibly and met up with her childhood friend, making their way to the Weaponmaster's store as they spoke quickly of the bandit attack. Moments after Jen Zi selected her preferred weapon of choice, a Si Pat look-alike barged in to the weapons store.

"The bandits…lots of them…on the beach!"

"Head to the school and let the other students know. Dawn Star and I will deal with the thugs."

Gujin and Dawn Star exchanged a meaningful glance. Everything could progress as planned again.

Meanwhile, Jen Zi wondered if she had missed out on learning a special technique at school…Si Pat seemed to be _everywhere_ at once.


End file.
